Happy Valentine’s Day: The Day After

by John on February 15, 2011

A Belated Valentine’s Day Post with a Purpose!

If you are in a relationship, you were too busy to be surfing the web yesterday!

If you are not? What are you waiting for!

Interestingly, Traffic Travis reports that the day after Valentine’s Day is the busiest day of the year for online dating sites!

Here is an excerpt from an email I received:

The day AFTER Valentine’s day is one of the

busiest ever for dating sites.

Why’s that?

Well…

It seems that with the high expectations of a romantic day, many women feel let down.

or…

Another what’s another way to say it?

Romeo forgot the romance?

and…

Sadly for many women this is the last straw.

So…

Look, there are lots of good fellas out there right now that need your help to patch things up.

This is a busy time of year for us.

There’s a saying…

Sad, but eerily true:

“Many men fall in love when their women as they head out the door.”

I will share two links with you, two posts from another blog, both focused on life, love, and happiness!

The first is a story of unconditional love and life-long friendship:

http://johnzajaros.com/connies-garden-a-reflection-of-life-and-unconditional-love/

The second is about the quest for happiness:

http://johnzajaros.com/valentines-day-and-happiness-in-59-seconds/

Once again, Happy Valentine’s Day!

John

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Do You Know How To Prevent A Long Term Relationship Breakup?
All couples experience rough patches from time to time; which could lead to a breakup. Frankly, if you don’t, you may find out you’re missing out on a really meaningful part of your relationship, a growth opportunity.
It’s not a question if you are going to hit a rough patch, but when you are going to hit it and how it will affect your relationship. The question you need to be asking yourself right now is “Before this happens, I need to know ‘how to prevent a long term relationship breakup’ from happening to us.”
The following tips may well help you avoid that heartwrenching breakup:
First, keep in mind that this is not negative thinking, it is simply an awareness that “stuff” happens and if you are aware that there may, in fact, will be bumps along the way…you will be better prepared to deal with them.
We all take our partners for granted sometimes, it is part of every relationship, just as there are cycles in every relationship. Life often intrudes in ways that affect our relationships and we are inclined to think our spouse will understand…not always the case!
Your significant other may wonder where he/she comes on your list of priorities. He or she may feel neglected and if someone else comes along that pays extra attention, makes them feel desired again, who is to say that they won’t be tempted?
After all, we are all human and crave attention, affection, and validation!

Why not surprise your partner and arrange a date night. If you have children, arrange a babysitter. If money is a little tight, then put the kids to bed early and cook your partner a nice dinner. Add some candles and flowers and switch off the TV. Ban all talk about the kids, job, your money issues, and, of course, talking about other family members. Make it your night, your time, and act like you did during the dating process.

In other words, make your spouse or significant other the only thing in your life for the evening!

The only conversation allowed is the type you would normally have on a date night. Imagine you don’t know each other. Ask your other half to tell you something about themselves, after which you will divulge a secret about yourself. Talk to your partner about his or her interests, passions, and most of all listen to what they say.

Don’t fake it, be genuine, and you will be amazed at where the conversation and the evening will take you!

When you have been together for a long time, it can get a little dull in the bedroom. I’m not telling you anything you don’t know but we need to recognize it and do something about it. Being intimate is the glue that holds couples together and sex is part of that glue, often the super glue. Keep in mind that it isn’t all about having sex (most men under 30 or 40 would ask “It isn’t?”), but holding hands, listening, talking, cuddling, affectionate, being there when needed, and perhaps most all trusting one another are crucial.

In survey after survey, the majority of married women respond that it is intimacy that is the very fabric of the relationship, and it is intimacy that is often absent from many long-term relationships!

If you have fallen into the rut where the only intimate scenes you witness are on a television or movie screen, you need to address this immediately. Don’t ignore a lack of intimacy in your relationship as it can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, frustration, and desperation…on both sides. Often a kind word, a touch or an embrace held just a moment longer, a kiss that feels like a kiss and not the old-fogie smooch, the peck on the cheek…what is that all about! Well, it is a sign that some of the magic is gone and that we are taking each other for granted.

Another sign of a relationship entering its death throws (not always but in many instances) is calling each other “Mom” or “Dad.” Worse still? “Grandma” and “Grandpa!” What is that about!?
When attempting to restore some magic, to make things interesting, and to save a break up, why not make it fun? Take a weekend, get away, do something the “kids” would do! You will be amazed at the benefits, all kids of benefits, if you simply disengage from everyone else and re-engage with each other…sharing “quality time” with no interruptions or distractions.
That means no cell phones, no email, no telephone calls “just to check on this at home,” nothing…but each other!

Additionally, it would be wise for both of you have to make a list of all the nice things you would like to do with your significant other, your spouse and/or loved one. Include the things you used to do with, and to, each other.

Hey! We are all adults here, so have fun with it!
Show up in a trench coat, sans clothing, a can of topping works well…use your imagination! If I have to draw you a diagram? Well? Maybe you are done with your relationship…but it can be a lot of fun resurrecting it or at least giving it the old college try! Forget any harsh words, and issues of contention, arguments, etc. and focus, for a specific period of time, on each other and on nothing else.
The world will go one without you, so get away and unplug…you will never regret it. And, your relationship may never be the same, for the better!
Here’s a suggestion:
Each person gets a turn having one item on their list. She may want you to run her a nice, hot bath and allow her to soak for an hour; with only the candles for company. And guess what that can lead to?
Again, do we need a diagram?

Rediscover the passion that brought you together in the first place. Let’s face it, most couples do not get involved solely due to the fantastic conversation. There has to be that certain something, a “certain kind of magic” as well. Unfortunately, what they say about familiarity is, at least in part, true. It may not be contempt you are feeling, it may be apathy and/or boredom. When you’ve shared what seems like a lifetime together, the roaring flames of passion and desire may now look and feel more like a smoldering ember.

However, the good news is, with effort and caring by both partners, it is possible to fan those “smoldering ember’s and create a bonfire of passion and desire!
I should write romance novels!
Couples that laugh together, stay together! Couple who share their inner most thoughts and feelings, share a lifetime together! Couples who make time for each other are the most likely to be walking hand in hand through to the end of life; and, depending on your beliefs, afterwards! Imagine being alone in your twilight years. The prospect of your ‘goldeb years” alone should be, in and of itself, enough to spur you on, to prompt you to at least try one last time ton save your relationship…before it is ever broken and needs fixing.
Life isn’t always a bed of roses! Life is much more enjoyable when you share it with someone you like and love. In survey after survey, those who express the greatest degree of unhappiness, dissatisfaction with their lives, are the individuals going it on their own. You don’t want to go there.
The grass is definitely not greener on the other side, so tend to your own lawn!
These are just a few of the things involved, a few suggestions you may use to prevent a long term relationship from breaking up, any relationship from going south…so to speak. Be sure to take  time to implement some or all of these suggestions now, today! Stop any further damage to your relationship, damage you may not even know exists. I can’t tell you how many times over the years I have heard the following statement: “I didn’t even see it coming. I had no idea he (or she) was so unhappy!”
Don’t be that person! Be the person you read about in the local paper: “John and Mary Wilson just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. John and Mary have four children, eight grandchildren, and plan to spend the rest of their lives together. When asked how they did it, what made their marriage work? John said, as he looked deep into Mary’s eyes, ‘We never stopped dating and I love her more today than I did the day we became man and wife!’”
It isn’t a fairy tale, it happens every day…and it can be your reality too!
Best wishes!
Dear John
DearJohn@HowToSaveABrokenRelationship.com
PS, If you haven’t tried Tony Robbins’ Ultimate Relationship Program I have just one question for you: What are you waiting for?! Tony has a special trial offer right now and for less than the cost of a babysitter you can have the most amazing relationship building (and saving) program available anywhere! Tony is a master at modeling behavior that works…and try the Crazy-Making to Love-Making! Your relationship will never be the same! I guarantee it…and so does Tony!

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The Science of a Happy Marriage: From NYTimes Online

June 2, 2010

Stuart Bradford Why do some men and women cheat on their partners while others resist the temptation? To find the answer, a growing body of research is focusing on the science of commitment. Scientists are studying everything from the biological factors that seem to influence marital stability to a person’s psychological response after flirting with […]

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The Reality of Loneliness: Just Say “Hi!”

May 14, 2010

Loneliness is a curse and it not breaks you heart when you experience it, it breaks your heart when you see it in others. This isn’t my usual “beat,” but I was struck by something today and it prompted me to write about it. I received a request for a connection today from a woman […]

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The Chemistry of a Relationship: How to Up the Intensity!

May 11, 2010

The #1 Question I Receive: How Do I Increase Chemistry of My Relationship? Do you think the chemistry in a relationship is something that “just happens?” If you do, the truth might surprise you! Sure, you probably can’t create chemistry where none exists, you can make fire in the middle of a hurricane or in […]

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